SUV Upgrader - Division of Recreation

Since its inception, the automobile – make, model, color, level of road occupation – has lent overt comment to a driver’s social status. A truism exists that states that the more impressive the vehicle, the better the quality of person driving it. While sadly there exists no empirical measure to confirm this, it has been well documented by modern anthropologists and psychologists that car ownership and display correlate with one’s standing in the community, regardless of underlying economic disparities. While the early years provided such yardsticks as the Model T, Studebaker, and Corvette, the new millennium has chosen it’s ubiquitous touchstone: the SUV. While smaller models have appeared in recent years, it has been determined through Blowfellow-sponsored research that larger SUV models command greater respect and admiration, due in part to the expertise required to maneuver such a machine and the higher economic status needed to acquire and fuel it. The Blowfellow Institute introduced the SUV Upgrader to combat the feelings of inadequacy one may feel piloting a cheaper, less obtrusive automobile (known in therapeutic circles as Hatchback Anxiety Disorder) by providing an add-on module at a fraction of the cost of an entire vehicle. The Upgrader shell – made from the same steel, glass and plastic that comprise conventional SUV bodies – is simply attached to a recipient vehicle at several key contact points, completely obscuring the vehicle beneath (Fig. 1). Depending on the chosen model, the shell’s weight can exceed 1,200 pounds, but drivers may rest easy knowing that eight titanium reinforced high-tension spring elbows distribute the weight throughout the frame of the recipient car. Reduction of viewing space is remedied by way of detachable periscopic viewport and indicator system (Fig. 2). Additional safety measures include extending faux bumper wheels, inflatable bladders that occupy the space between recipient vehicle and the interior of the shell, and explosive bolts that jettison the shell and protect against collision (Fig. 3). A limited budget should not impede one’s pursuit of higher social status; the SUV Upgrader provides a manageable alternative for those seeking to stake their own claim of the road and community. Note: Comparative fuel efficiency tests between SUV Upgrader outfitted vehicles and conventional SUVs were inconclusive.

Figure 1: Steel mounting units support the weight of the upgrader shell at eight key points and are fitted with springs to add flexibility and safety in case of external impact. The periscopic navigation input module is permanently attached to the windshield of the upgrader shell, while the viewer section is generally attached to the recipient vehicle with a powerful adhesive. Optional suspension augmentation kits are available to recipient vehicles with particularly weak undercarriages.

Figure 2: The sheer size of the upgrader shell and density of material can block visual input to the driver. A periscopic optical data stream module can be affixed to the recipient vehicle windshield, creating a link between the outside world and the hidden vehicle of origin lying beneath.

Figure 3: In the rare case of an accident, explosive bolts within the rear mounting units can be triggered, causing the shell to arc forward and the front springs to hyperextend. This provides the dual benefit of freeing the recipient car to better maneuver while creating a front impact absorbing shield.